Copy Cat

I'll just put it out there. I'm scared. I'm a giant scaredy cat. I'm also hoping no one will read my blog for at least a year. I'd like to spill my soul without judgement. Mom, go away.


All I ever do is compare myself to others. And then try to emulate them. I'm a copy cat. I figure that if people like their work and their personalities how can I go wrong? Because deep down I'm afraid I'm not good enough, not funny enough.

I read a quote this morning that hit home. It was about love so I just changed the words to apply to me (Let me clarify for my husband- I am fighting a war with yours truly). I wrote it on a piece of paper and stuck it up on the wall in my office.

"You might love it. You probably do. You probably think about it all the time. But that isn't what matters. What matters is what you're doing about it, and what you're doing about it is nothing."


That knife drove deep. I have the passion and the desire, and I am NOT afraid of hard work. And yet, I'm frozen. I'm investing in myself here and there when I can but I am not putting the work in. It makes me crazy to think that I am just inches away from where I could be if I would just take some steps!!

So I decided to leave the knife there for now. Twist it to remind myself of the pain of holding back. It worked...I got a blog post out of it. 

I know I am not the only one out there, didn't think I'd find out did ya? Oh yeah, I found your blog that you've been hiding. I've been reading it to make myself feel better. No no, I'm kidding! But in all seriousness know that fear is stronger than pain and we have to change what we fear. Change our fear of failing to a fear of not knowing what would happen if we never tried. Once you do that, stab yourself with that knife and keep it there to twist for reminders. 

*Update: my mom would like me to let everyone know she never judges me, she always loves and supports me and thinks I'm perfect. Okay I put that last one in.


Rachel McDowell

Hi! My name is Rachel (Snyder) McDowell and I am a Grand Rapids, MI based wedding and portrait photographer. I love all things animals, reading, ballroom dancing (though I never leave out just a good 'ol get down and boogy). I can't wait to talk to you about your vision for your wedding! Photographer. Scared to blog. Ballroom dance instructor with stage fright. Grew up as a missionary kid in Haiti and dreams to someday live on a boat.